July 20, 2018

But first, savor.

I often let things get me down.

Personal struggles.

Relationships.

Anxieties.

And lately, the state of the world.

Recently, I found myself in a sort of depressive "slump" wherein I was wrestling with each of these continually. They invaded every thought I had and every action I took. I could no longer brush them aside and busy myself with a day's work. Rather the opposite in fact. I found myself unable to do even simple tasks. One day in particular was so bad that I could not will myself out of bed. It was all consuming.

The slump was deep but I practiced self-care. I went to my therapist. I journaled. I was proactively mindful during the day. I listened to calming music. I gave myself extra space and grace. I wrote down affirmations. I indulged in things that brought me joy.

And if you follow us on Instagram, you'll know that I went on an impulsive streak and got two new tattoos.  Little by little, I felt the fog lift. I could still see and feel everything surrounding me, but none were dictating my journey.  At times, my slump was deep and dark. And while I did arrive at the other side of it, I arrived a changed woman. For that, I am actually very grateful. In the darkness you see, I discovered (and re-discovered) things that made my life brighter. Lighter. Happier.
I learned to focus on my breath. Silly? Perhaps. But stop... right now. Don't change your breathe. Focus on it. Each is special. Each is a gift. Each can never be repeated or reclaimed. Ever. There is 
.deep power in knowing that...in remembering it

I learned that life gives us respite. In fact, each day has a built in period of rest. We can toil all day, but the sun eventually relents. So too should our anxieties. Give them a break. You can pick them back up in the morning. But each night, lay them aside.

I remembered that I cannot pour from an empty cup. I cannot be the wife, mother, friend, employee or volunteer people deserve unless I fill my own cup. I need to attend to this task with care and 
.reverence. So should you

I learned that I accomplish more if I focus on less. Spreading yourself thin -- even just mentally -- diminishes your overall effectiveness.

I remembered how much I love my life. It is easy to get caught up in wanting more or wanting different. But when I stop and look around me, I remember that everything was carefully selected by 
.me or for me. It is already perfection

I remembered the power of small pleasures. Each is more than a moment -- they are tangential reminders of a life well led.

I learned that self-discovery does not end in your teens or 20's. The ability to surprise yourself is just 
.as stunning and exhilarating as always

I learned that acceptance is not the waving of a white flag. Rather, it is merely acknowledging the path before you so that you can see the briars instead of becoming ensnared by them.

I learned that Force ultimately fails one way or another. It's counterpart Flow however, is merciful 
.and generous in her own time

I remembered that less is more in most aspects of life. Brushing aside the unnecessary leaves you more space to enjoy the needed.

I learned that life is best when it is lived. Not wished away. Not muddled over. Not fussed about. It is 
.best when you dive into each day with one mission: to experience it

I learned what it felt like to truly savor something. Not to just acknowledge it, but to drink it in so deeply that it almost hurts. To have a laugh or gesture truly radiate within you. Truly savoring something allows you to recall it with such specificity and strength that you almost transport back into a moment or memory. True savoring is magic. We should all try it more.

Yes, my fog has lifted. Trudging through it was not pleasant but it was profound. I cannot and will not declare that it shall never happen again. I do know with certainty however, that if it does, I will be better prepared for my journey. And even better, I now find myself equipped with magic I had either long forgotten or which had been unknown to me before entirely. I cling to this magic now. Not out of fear. Not out of obligation. But because it is merely, life after the fog. 

3 comments :

  1. love this. So true about not being able to pour from an empty cup. So very true also about sea discovery jotting into your 30's. Been there. Am there.

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  2. I've been working through my slump, for lack of a better word, and I'm trying to learn some of the lessons that you've talked about. I think that acceptance is one that people, myself included, sometimes have a truly difficult time understanding. Thanks for sharing!

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  3. I think we all go through these seasons of life where we are in a slump or the low on the cycle of life. I have had to really focus on me these last few months as well to really be a much better wife and mother and lawyer.

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