August 20, 2015

A Letter to Baby "Florken" (from Kate)


Dear Baby "Florken",

I'm your mom. Wow. That feels super weird to say. Sure, I'm nearly 29 years old but I also still get slightly frightened of big thunderstorms and laugh inappropriately at fart humor. It's strange that, by way of biology, I am now the "mom" of another human being on this planet. 

I won't lie, this pregnancy has not been the best time of my life. From the beginning, I was sick. Very sick. And even after the sickness went away, there always seemed to be something -- achey back, swollen feet, poor sleep, and indigestion. Still, I'm grateful for it because over these weeks, I've grown even closer to your Father. I honestly did not think that was possible -- we're two peas in a pod -- but we have. I guess someone can only clean up your vomit so many times before it begins a new era of closeness. 
I'm nervous about being your mum. (Yeah, sometimes I'll refer to myself as "mum" because I'm a Harry Potter fan. Don't worry, you will be too one day.) I worry I won't know how to comfort you. I worry that I'll let a cuss word slip in front of you and you'll be the toddler at day school with a potty mouth. I worry that I won't be able to provide you with everything that you need -- both financially and emotionally. My biggest fear, if I'm being 100% honest, is that I'll grow weary of my "job duties" as a mom and will want to escape to my pre-baby life. 

Of course, every mom I know tells me these are crazy fears and that when I finally see your face, when I hold you, when I watch you emerge into this world, everything will change and all those fears will slip away. I hope they are right, but what if I'm the one mom who doesn't have some sort of revelation? What if there is something wrong with me?

I might worry about being a bad mom, but I never worry about what kind of Father your Dad will be. He's amazing. Honestly. I have so many fears about becoming a parent but they usually just slip away when I think about how awesome your Dad is. He is the type of man who is going to fight me to change your diapers and insist on being involved in every bathtime and every bedtime story. As you grow, he will be the Dad who is rolling around with you in the grass and doctoring your scraped knees. One day, he'll be the Dad who will want to give you the "birds and the bees" talk and will always hold you to high standards while also being understanding that we all falter. There should be one thing in life that you never doubt -- you are really lucky to have him as your Dad. 

There are only about six more weeks until we meet. I'm nervous. I'm excited. I'm terrified. I really hope I don't disappoint you. I hope that you love me as much as I already love you. I hope that we can grow together, learn together, and become a happy little family of three (well, eight if you count all the dogs and cats). 

So stay comfy and safe until you are ready to meet us. But know, when that moment comes, time will briefly stand still and your Dad and I will count you among our greatest of blessings. 

5 comments :

  1. A friend of mine had a baby last week. If I am being perfectly honest, I thought she was going to be one of those moms... the ones that for whatever reason just never get where they need to be. We all told her the same things - that she would fall in love with her baby the instant she saw him and that things would change. But deep down, I was afraid she wouldn't.

    I was so worried about her because she was so hung up on her pre-pregnancy life and weight. She didn't even seem all that excited about the baby - just excited to get him out and to be able to wear her pre-pregnancy clothes again. She mentioned several times about how she just wanted him to be born already so that everything could go back to normal.

    It was really hard on me to watch. I went through post-partum depression and even I wasn't as bad as she seemed. And so, I worried about her every day... especially when she didn't have a nesting phase.

    But the weirdest thing happened after she had him. Somehow, a light switch turned on somewhere in her heart and mind. Her eyes lit up like the 4th of July and she fell completely in love. All of the things she worried about or cared about suddenly didn't matter any more.

    I just know it will be that way for you. You're already leaps and bounds ahead and this baby will be so lucky to have you as Mom <3

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  2. So sweet Kate. I have to tell you - I had all of the same fears when I was pregnant with my first. And everyone told me that once I saw her they would all go away and I would fall instantly in love with her. They were sort of right - sure, I loved her, but not being scared of her took some time. And that's ok! You will always have fears as a mother, they just change and grow as your children get older.

    I can't wait to hear about your experiences as "mum"!

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  3. So sweet! :) You're both going to be great parents!!! HP reference for the win, btw.

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  4. You are going to be the best mom, I can not wait to meet baby Florken!

    xx Kelly
    Sparkles and Shoes

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  5. You are going to be a great mum! I can't wait to see you two as parents :)

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