April 29, 2015

Word Vomit at 18 Weeks Pregnant


I don't think I am your "typical" pregnant lady. Honestly, I'm okay with this fact but the more pregnant I get, the more I wonder if society isn't okay with it. Let me explain --

When people find out that you're pregnant, they suddenly want to know every single, sometimes personal, detail. They want to know when you conceived and demand to know if you were trying. The common question is, "Are you happy about it?" My normal response, "Yes. Still scared shitless, but happy."

Somehow, I'm not sure this is what people expect expect of me. 
They probably also don't expect for me to say that we aren't finding out the sex, or that we aren't sharing names. They probably don't understand why I'm not head over heels excited to help plan a shower or talk nonstop about our upcoming bundle of joy. I've been accused (more than once) of "sucking the fun" out of this pregnancy for other people. 

It might be counterintuitive because I have a blog, but deep down, I am really a private person. I can count my closest friends on a single hand and I don't love being the center of attention. Instead, I like being the person in the corner, sipping on a glass of wine, and making sarcastic, yet witty and insightful remarks, about the day's events. But when people know that you're pregnant, suddenly, sarcasm is looked at like a disease and standing quietly in the corner is simply not allowed. You are "supposed" to be comfortable having people fawn over you and ask about everything you've eaten and the last time you puked.

But damn it -- I will not change my personality. I just can't. 

I know that motherhood will deeply change me. It will be eye-opening. But, can it change who I am at my very core? I don't think so. At least, I hope it doesn't. I really like who I am as a person. I didn't for years honestly. I used to hate my nose or my short legs. I used to hate my voice and my stringy hair. Beyond the physical, I used to wonder if I was smart enough, charming enough, and compassionate enough to make anything of myself. I used to wonder if I had enough friends or whether I had too many. I would spend way too much time and effort trying to "measure up" against some perceived notion of who I should be. 

Now, I know who I am. I'm me. I'm flawed but I'm happy. I take on too many projects for someone who likes napping at such a high propensity. I enjoy making people laugh, but I enjoy sitting at home with a good book more. I am not the prom queen type, or even the homecoming court type. I am the drama nerd who likes to soak up sunshine in her own backyard more than on some luxury yacht. 

While I know that I already love this Little "Florken" more than anything, I am equally sure that it cannot undo nearly 29 years of self-discovery. There are a lot of things I don't want to be; I don't want to be the person who posts monthly updates on their kid. I don't want to be the person who suddenly can't carry on a conversation about anything other than cloth diapering or pacifier preferences. I don't want everyone to suddenly call me "mom" just because one person has that right. I don't want to be forced into the limelight when I'd rather stay home. I don't want to force my child into the limelight of social media before they are old enough to really have a choice. I don't want to criticize your parenting, but please respect my right to do things differently. I don't want to become a "mommy blogger." I just want to continue to be me... with a blog. That sometimes will include things about pregnancy or our kid. 

In short, I just want to be me... but with a baby. Personally, I don't think that's too much to ask for. But truly I suppose that only time will tell. 


19 comments :

  1. Being pregnant is such a weird thing (I mean obviously it is super fantastic) but is is so odd. The questions about if you are happy about it or if you were trying are extremely inappropriate and only tend to get worse the more you show. I don't know why it is that society specifically loses their shit around pregnant women but I would love to find out who made them think it is ok. People always act like I am so grumpy when they ask questions about me or the baby and I don't respond with some glowing description. In my mind this pregnancy includes three people: me, the man who helped make this human, and the tiny human I am creating. Nobody else needs to know anything. I won't even give out a due date because I refuse to hear about it if I go past it.

    I have learned my lesson now that I have experience. I will never talk to a pregnant lady about her pregnancy again. If I see a pregnant women in the store I typically give them a solidarity type head nod and move on.

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  2. God, I love this! I've always felt that when a woman gets engaged/married and has a baby the world forgets they are anything other than a future bride/mother and it drives me mad. People don't seem to get that you can be happy about something without it completely changing who you are as a person and/or without constantly talking about it. I'm experiencing some of this while planning a wedding and I imagine being pregnant is 100x worse (I can't even wrap my head around the inappropriate questions or god forbid the touching of a stranger's belly lol). Loved this post, I'll be sharing!

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  3. I've been accused (more than once) of "sucking the fun" out of this pregnancy for other people.

    I wasn't aware YOUR pregnancy was supposed to be fun for other people, jeez. Only one person ever touched my stomach without asking and it wasn't even someone I knew, it was a former coworker of Jarrod's. I smacked her hand away and all the other former coworkers around us (all men) just laughed.

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  4. WE ARE THE SAME PERSON. Seriously. I will be a fun-sucker too. Don't worry.

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  5. Just keep doing you. The fact that you are so self aware and confident with who you have grown into as a woman already makes you an awesome mother (IMO). I've learned that there is always someone that thinks you are doing the worst thing and someone who thinks you are doing the best thing as a pregnant woman and as a mother. Ignore them and follow your heart. Do let those outside judgement sway how you feel. It's your baby and always will be.

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  6. I think people handle EVERYTHING so differently. I know that we're an "odd family out" at my dad's place because we're still smiling and laughing and loving.... Maybe it's that there's SO MUCH MORE to life than any ONE thing even if it's a new baby! :)

    You're going to be such an awesome mom. I know it.

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  7. I seriously don't get why people say this, "you're sucking the fun out of the pregnancy". Who really cares? Last I checked it's YOUR pregnancy. And what if it's not even fun for you?? Morning sickness, swollen body parts, hair loss, hair in places you don't want... sometimes it's just not fun. Good for you for sticking with your choices. With a 5 yr old and 2 yr old I STILL get odd questions. Just keep doing you, and virtual high fives!

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  8. I totally feel you, im 29 weeks, dpnt know the gender, not naming names, not sharing much publicly (honestly im not even comfortable putting myself on the church prayer list). Since this is our second baby, close family and friends understand my desire to be private, they know thats how i am about everything. But my inlaws, well, theyre REALLY pressing me for stuff that i dont even talk to my mom and best friend about. Its hard, but you know you. You dpnt HAVE to do anything just because someone else thinks you should.

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  9. I love how people are telling you that you're sucking their fun out of your pregnancy. It's your baby & pregnancy, not theirs! You keep doing you Kate!

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  10. That's ridiculous that people tell you that you're sucking the fun out of it. It's not really supposed to be THEIR fun. They can eat it.

    I am sure you will be you, with a baby. Most women are, whether they admit it or not!

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  11. though i'm not pregnant, i sure hope that if i decide to be one day or become a mom in another way that it doesn't change me at my core either. i like who i am too and i think that's a great point you brought up!

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  12. I completely understand where you are coming from. I was baffled the first time someone asked me if we were trying to conceive after we shared our news. I was so taken aback from the question I didn't know what to say other than a shy, "yes." The more people asked, the angrier I got. This baby was very much prayed for and desired, but that is certainly nobody's business except for my husband and me!

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  13. How dare YOU suck the fun our of YOUR pregnancy for other people? How dare you not tell us every single detail about conception. Or ever detail about your whole pregnancy. And are you happy? What do they think you are going to say? Heck no?

    I mean is this real life? What in the world gives people the right to ask those questions? Say those things? Think they need to know?

    I am shocked. I shouldn't be because I know people are just too much sometimes, but shocked.

    Enjoy this pregnancy and being you! You're awesome!

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  14. I think it's great. Be you!! I just think it's unusual (not in a bad way) because people who have children tend to disappear as people outside of their children. Once baby comes that's all there is to talk about and post about for many mom's. There are some people I follow on Instagram that I legit forgot who they even were and or who I was even following because the baby took over the feed. I have seen some people manage NOT to do this but in general it seems to be the trend.

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  15. Oh girl, I agree. I told my friend this week "I can only be me. that's who I know how to be". And that is the truth - don't feel pressure by anyone to make YOUR first pregnancy they way THEY want it to be. :)

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  16. I don't think motherhood will change who you ARE but it will definitely change what you DO and what you'll be focusing on each and every day! Honestly, some days (especially at the beginning) I didn't think about ANYTHING but Clara and her nap and sleep schedule and breastfeeding... and that's just how it was! And still when people ask me 'what's new with you', my updates are pretty short if I don't feel like talking about Clara! It's not that I don't do anything else other than take care of her - actually I'm really, really busy! - but being a mom makes everything else seem pretty insignificant and I truly enjoy talking about 'mom things' more than I ever thought I would!

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  17. Kelly from The Lady Errant sent me over to your blog today saying that she really enjoys that you're a blogger who is having a baby, rather than a mummy (to be) blogger. I had my son 10 months ago and whilst I very much love him and love spending time with him, motherhood is not nearly as exciting for me as I know some people seem to find it. I suddenly find myself with very little options when it comes to being me - my friends with kids only want to talk baby, my friends without don't seem to understand this 'new' me. I'm not a mad fan of being a full time mum, not being able to work, not having time for intellectual conversation, not even really knowing what is happening in the news, spending my days picking up rice cakes from the floor, or working out how to plan my day around nap times. I'm not sure why I'm saying all of this other than to say that you probably won't turn into a mummy blogger, because it sounds like that's never been you to begin with. I feel the exact same way, and whilst I'm trying to navigate early parenthood and find my own way, I am even more certain that part of being a great mother for me, will be in finding my own way, so that motherhood doesn't become everything that I have, and parenting isn't all that I'll do. Does this make sense? It's not much of a friendly introduction. It's late, I'm tired, and I was moved to write by this post! I'll pop back another time and say hello properly.

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