March 13, 2015

Hosting Duty Fears


The second weekend of April, I'm supposed to host a baby shower for a sweet, college friend of mine.  Now, hosting a baby shower brings up a lot of feelings for me (especially considering I'm not at all the "shower-hosting" type of gal) but over the last few days I have been absolutely consumed with one thought: "What will these strangers think of my house?"

It's so shallow. I know. But honestly, it occupies my mind at least 23% of the day. I am constantly thinking of little things I can do to make the place more inviting. When Adam and I moved into #FlorkenFirstHome at the end of last March, we had a lot of work to do. We tore down a wall, re-did the entire kitchen, and painted nearly every room in the house. After that? Well, to be honest, we got a little burned out. So instead of really taking the time, money, and energy to finish all small jobs like buy and hang roman shades, build shelves for the wall, or finally find that one last end table we need -- we both just got lazy. 
Now that I'm looking around our home though and thinking of strangers sitting in it for three hours, I'm starting to get nervous. I am nervous that our walls are too empty. I'm nervous that we have no grass in the backyard and it's practically a mud-pit. I'm nervous that someone will think we're cheap... or even tacky. 

This is such an odd feeling for me because, to be honest, I love our home. Love. Love. Love. 

Home is where I feel most like myself. It's where I don't have to wear a bra and where it can be 5 o'clock anytime of the day. It's where Adam and I connect, relax, and binge together. It's where our pets are growing and thriving. And one day, it's where our kids will do the same. 

So why then am I suddenly worried about it? Why am I -- dare I say it -- slightly ashamed of it?

I've been thinking on that all day (you know, right after I ordered $50 worth of throw pillows for the sofa and loveseat) and I've come to the conclusion that my fear isn't that the house isn't good enough -- it's that others won't see its potential. You see, when I look at this home, I can look past the empty front porch and the rotting landscape timber flowerbeds. I can see past the deck that needs to be repainted and the blinds that need to be upgraded. What I see is a space that is limitless. I see a space that Adam and I can continue to mould to our own style and preference. I see a space that will evolve with us. I see a space that has come a long way, and while it might still have a long way to go, it will be filled with love, laughter, and joy with every step. 

I think that's what I really fear -- people not seeing that potential. People not understanding that these walls hold so much more than possessions -- they hold dreams. 

So, between now and April 11th, I'm going to spruce up little things that I can, but I'm going to try to keep a level head about it all. No, I probably can't get furniture for the front porch. But, it's possible I'll find an adorable welcome mat. No, I won't be able to re-seed the yard. But, it's possible that I put out a colorful potted plant or two. And you know, if people go home silently judging my home, I guess that's ok. They can silently judge my house and even me. But their silent judgment won't stop all the amazing things that are going to happen under this roof. Those things... well, they're worth waiting for.

10 comments :

  1. I'm convinced that people 'judge' things like homes far less than we assume they do. Girl, be proud of that lovely home of yours! You own it, you love it, and others will see that. I'll be honest and say I don't love my ugly little apartment here--but it's the only home I have, so as long as I keep it clean, I'm comfortable inviting anyone in. People remember being welcomed and being fed a lot longer than they remember good interior decor--or at least, if they have any depth of character at all, that's what they'll remember. :)

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    1. Agree with this comment! I know for me the first thing I notice is definitely not the decorations - it's whether or not I feel comfortable. So when I go somewhere that smells, or where I can't step anywhere without walking on toys or food ground into the carpet, then yes, I might be making mental judgements. But as long as it's clean and there was someone there who was happy to see me, I'm happy to be there. Everything else is just atmosphere.

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  2. I'm sure everyone will love your home! You guys have done an amazing job on it. Also, has it already been almost a year since you moved in?! That's crazy to me.

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  3. I understand where you are coming from, I have the same feelings about my own (rental) home that is just so blah and outdated. I think your house looks amazing!! But remember, people judge far less than we think they do. Show your pride, show your joy! People will pick up on that. Plus all the attention will be on the food and your friend :) Have fun!

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  4. I bet everyone will love your home! I think it's a normal thing to be anxious about strangers being in your home. Heck I feel like my mom judged my home the first time she was over. That's how I felt anyone. I bet everyone will have a great time though! Just do you! ;)

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  5. I CAN SO RELATE TO THIS. Have you read The Nesting Place? It really changed my perspective of my home and I am learning how to love it more everyday.

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  6. Oh girl! Embrace it! People just love the joy and the people! I live in a tiny home and have people over all the time. I know they will love it and feel safe and comfortable.

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  7. I love these thoughts!!! We've done so much in our house already just since we purchased it a year ago, and it looks a million times better than it did. For some reason I always feel like I need to show people the before pictures of the rooms that are still filled with boxes or of our yard (which is still a total disaster) so they can see how far it's come and then I tell them all of the things that we're going to be doing to it in the future. I've been trying to get our main living areas finished so people can see those as great as they are, but the area that we're working on right now, is going to be "in progress" for a while because we don't have the entertainment center and furniture that we want yet (I guess the same is true for our front room..) and I don't feel like it really reflects us the way I want it to yet.... I need to be content with it and realize that it still shows who we are and is great the way it is!!

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  8. I can relate. Im sure its a stronger feeling when you actually own your home but I feel the same everytime people come over to my apartment that I took the time an love to decorate and make me! I say embrace it because it is a piece of you and Adam. People will love it because they will feel welcomed by you two and not because of what you have or don't have, or how far the house has come. Those who don't like it or make comments really need to re-evaluate their lives and possibly take a look into their own mirrors because no-ones home is perfect!

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  9. Thank you for sharing your honesty in this post. This is definitely something I struggle with too. I always worry what people will think when they come to our house. I worry that they are judging me because things aren't perfect. Our house is small, but it's perfect for me, my husband, and our dog. We love it here, so I shouldn't worry about what other people think...they don't live here!

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