June 19, 2014

Making plans to climb my mountain...

As of late, there is a voice inside my head that I can't drown out...

It reminds me constantly that we only get so many years in this world. We must make decisions as to how we will spend those years -- building homes? making families? earning promotions? getting raises? watching Netflix? taking naps? building dreams?

Yes. Lately, I want to build my own dreams.
I don't know what those dreams are quite yet, but I do know what they will involve.

More time with Adam.
More time on this blog.
More time writing.
More time at home.
More laughter.
More adventure.
Less unnecessary stress.
Less feeling out of control.
Less working on someone else's dreams.
Less worries.
Less fears of failure.
Less boredom.

It is almost as if I am standing at the base of a mountain. I've been scared to climb it for too long because I don't know what the other side looks like. Is it a plentiful valley that will be a source of happiness? Or is it a deep gorge with little provisions for a happy life?

For years, I have worked on a path on this side of the mountain because it was the side I could see. It wasn't always the place that I truly desired to be, but it seemed safe enough and well honestly, it was easier to dream about what could potentially lie on the other side of the mountain than to actually climb the damn thing.

But you know, this side of the mountain isn't as comfortable as it used to be. In fact, looking around, I get a little scared about spending the rest of my life here. It isn't like this side won't provide for me -- it will. But will it truly fulfill me? I have my doubts...

It scares me to even consider leaving my safe side of the mountain and starting a climb into the unknown. Hell -- even making plans for the climb makes my heart race. But I'm starting to wonder if it is racing in a good way. Because maybe, just maybe, if I finally get the guts to climb this thing, I'll discover that something more amazing than anything I ever could have imagined was right on the other side waiting for me this entire time...

And wouldn't that be wonderful?

10 comments :

  1. The amount of vacation time we have here in Iceland has been amazing, it gives me the time to work on my own dreams and not live a life controlled by my 9-5. I have never had so many hobbies as I do now and I love it!

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  2. Oh girl, I am in your same boat right now. I know I am stay at my firm forever, but is that my dream? Yet, leaving seems so scary, heck doing anything out of my comfort zone scares me.

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  3. Omg i have been feeling this same way for a long time! I wonder how I got here and why I'm not doing more to get out because this is not my dream! I hope everything works out for you!

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  4. Sometimes our best decisions are to embrace the unknown!! I know it was for me anyway :)

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  5. Ah, yes, this would be me too ... this practical brain of mine keeps overruling my heart on summiting the mountain of unknown. Jamie over at Ink + Adventure wrote a similar post today as well :)

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  6. I can totally identify with all of this! It's so terribly scary to abandon expectations and what were my goals, and embrace the new stage of my life!

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  7. Great perspective! What a good way to look at it. Are we doing what we need to get where we want to be? I relate it to letting the small things go, because sometimes I lose sight of the idea that in the end, the fact that the sink is full of dishes is far less important than the fact that my husband needs quality time with me, etc. Also, more laughter is always a good thing!

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  8. Agreed with everything written!

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  9. This is awesome. I think it's awesome that you made a list of things you can do less of.

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  10. I have been asked several times to promote in my job. To a position where I would probably have a bad schedule, more stress, for a little more pay. And coworkers and everyone are just dumbfounded when I turn it down. They don't understand that I like picking when I work, spending time with my little family.

    -Jackie
    http://ournashvillelife.com

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